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I mentioned the importance of walking together as a couple every day. For this “sexual sig wisdom walk,” one person talks, the other listens on the entire walk. Next walk, change roles. The listener uses the L.O. V.E. technique while the talker discusses anything at all. There is a wisdom in all of us, and, as Buckminster Fuller once said, “All of us are geniuses. Some of us are just less damaged than most.”

One wife reported, “I had a hard time at first getting used to being the talker and then just a listener, but it was something. I looked forward to both roles, but hearing him talk while we walked, talk about trees, work, kids, neighbors, whatever, without reacting to me was a real trip.”

“I realized how much I interrupt and control the conversation. While we walked, it seemed easier to listen and not take over. We kind of got in a rhythm,” said her husband.

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The third-date phenomenon, sex on the third date, is universally known. Due to the AIDS issue and fear of other sexually transmissible diseases, the third-date phenomenon is becoming the tenth-date phenomenon, but the timing is irrelevant. Sex is nowhere near as important as everyone says it is, and probably very important to those people who tell you it does not matter at all.

Remember, the rules are that the whole game changes after the sex act takes place. It is the turning point. For men, the conquest may be complete, and they may disappear. For women, emotional involvement may intensify now, but they must be courageous and not let the man know they take this sex thing too seriously. No research supports this sexist view, but these rules have little to do with fact.

Some people cheat on this rule flagrantly. Men and women may become close, feelings may get involved, honesty, caring, and vulnerability may follow. When this involvement happens, start discussing philosophical issues of recreational sex, short life spans, limited life pleasures, and the value of extensive sexual training prior to any real commitment. Even though there is no data to show that amount or frequency of sex relates to fulfilling sex, this argument can protect you from any real involvement related to sex.

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