BREAST CANCER\FINDING SUPPORT: PEER GROUPS AND PROFESSIONAL FACILITATORS
Thursday, April 2nd, 2009WE CANNOT OVEREMPHASIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF MAKING A CONNECTION WITH ANOTHER WOMAN WHO HAS LIVED THROUGH BREAST CANCER. She will help you in many, many ways—more ways than we can begin to enumerate here. FIND HER.
What we are about to say now will probably seem crazy to you right now, but someday you too will recognize that there has been a silver lining to this experience. Most of us truly believe that the most precious benefit of this entire ordeal is the relationships we have developed with the other women whom we have met. The community of women who have had breast cancer is enormous and remarkable. You now have friends, sisters beyond number, and each is waiting to help in any way she can. We mean it sincerely when we tell each other “Call me anytime.”
You have been through a lot already; you have found the strength you needed to confront difficult moments: mammograms, biopsies, X-rays, bone scans, and blood tests, and certainly the phone call from hell. You may feel devastated; you feel you can’t deal with one more decision; you may feel as though you want to snuggle under the covers and sleep so that you won’t have to address all the overwhelming questions that crowd into your mind. This is all normal and common. Of course you know that you will have to make decisions and choices; remember that it is okay not to like any of this. No one would choose to be in this predicament; none of us voluntarily made that choice, either. We are all reluctant, if not rebellious, members of a sorority we never wanted to join.
As you have already discovered, the time around the initial diagnosis is very difficult, painful, and stressful. You should know that you are at a very bad time emotionally; you may have heard from your doctors that this is the very worst time. Believe it. Once you have made the necessary decisions and once you have begun treatment, you will feel more settled, more in control. We are not suggesting that you will feel happy or carefree, not at all. But we are suggesting that you will experience some measure of relief. Before you arrive at this point, you will need to do your homework. It is very important that you make informed decisions about your treatment. Remember, it is your body and it is your life.
These first days are harder than anything yet to come. We know you don’t believe this now, but you will look back and see that this is true. Right now, however, it is normal to feel that your life is over, that your life is out of control, and even, perhaps, that you are crazy. Many women report, during the inevitable sleepless nights, that they are lying awake planning their funerals. Some of us stop eating. Some of us eat continuously. Most of us cry a lot. You will be impatient and short-tempered. You may either tell everyone you meet about your diagnosis, including the cashier in the market and the UPS deliveryman, or you may tell almost no one.
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